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[personal profile] xantissa
just so you know. i am alive and I do write this story. It's just that I don't like what I come up with. You have no idea how many of possible chapter were discarded already.. sigh. Hopefully chapter 21 will be out soon. Here is a teaser, but beware, it's only been though spell-check. no beta.


John watched Sam stare at the now cold breakfast. The silence between them wasn’t as strained as before, but it wasn’t comfortable either.


It could have been seconds or it could have been ages before Sam finally pushed the tray away and curled his fingers in his hair, resting his elbows on the table and his head in his hands.


“I think...” Started Sam with an oddly listless voice. “I think I’m broken.” He sank even lower, pressing his forehead into the cool wood and curling his arms around him like a shield. “There’s something wrong with me. I think... it was from the very beginning.”


“Sam...” Whispered John at a loss of what to say.


“I think...” It seemed that Sam either hadn’t heard John or simply ignored him. “I don’t think I can be fixed Dad.” His voice was low and quiet, much too calm.


“It’s only been a few weeks. Give it time Sam… we could seek help...” He offered hesitantly, now way too scared to even consider holding on to his pride. “Just... don’t give up Sam. That’s not the way to do anything...”


Sam turned his head, one cheek still resting on the wooden surface, messy hair falling all over the place and looked up at John from his odd position. Even in the shadows the uncommon, luminous green of his eyes after the transformation made the older Winchester’s breath catch. Sam stared at him with calm, steady eyes.


“Do you know what happened when Pandora opened the forbidden box?” Asked Sam out of the blue, still staring at John with one eye.


Confused as to why his son was suddenly asking about Greek mythology, John nevertheless answered:


“All the misfortunes of Man got out.”


An odd, bitter smile curved his son’s lips.


“And do you know what was the last horror that escaped the box?”


John felt his chest constrict, like a vicious case of indigestion. He said nothing as Sam straightened from his slouch and rose from the table. He sat still, staring at the patterns on the highly polished table, trying to convince himself that the burning in his chest was because of the foreign cuisine that was served in Marakaj’s household.


He heard the door close with a soft click and closed his eyes, feeling drained of energy, tired and so very, very helpless.


“Hope.” He whispered quietly. “Hope was the last misfortune.”

Date: 2009-02-06 04:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] malevolent73.livejournal.com
Yeah, I would totally be interested in continuing reading this story. :)

Date: 2009-02-06 09:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xantissa.livejournal.com
I will try to do my best here :)

Date: 2009-02-06 04:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aretria.livejournal.com
And I finished rereading this story just yesterday and was hoping for the next chapter to come out soon. :)

Great snippet. Dean must get his act together soon, is all I'm saying. ;>

Date: 2009-02-06 09:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xantissa.livejournal.com
oh I will try to write it as fast as possible but you know, earning money kinda comes first -_- And when did you see Dean comming to terms with his feelings without being forced into it? Stubborn bastard, that. Well, depressed Sam is not really encouraging either, is he? Thanks for the fb, it helps to know that some people are still waiting to see how it ends.

Date: 2009-02-07 11:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aretria.livejournal.com
That was in no way a comment urging you to write faster, I hope you know. Believe me, I understand completely, that there's something called real life. :) I'm just glad there's hope, I will see how this story ends. *hugs*

Date: 2009-02-13 11:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] idiot4dean.livejournal.com
So pleased to see that you haven't given up on this. I so want to see what happens with Sam and Dean now Sam knows whats happening. Poor broken boys need to be with each other.

Looking forward to more.

Date: 2009-02-24 08:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xantissa.livejournal.com
will be, just some very unpleasant things happened in my real life recently and it broke my mood. But I have a full outline of this fick already hashed out so good news

Date: 2009-02-24 08:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] utbe.livejournal.com
Yes! Checking this page weekly for updates paid off :) I would be so eager to read more, and I second what everyone has said about wanting to see more Dean/Sam.

Date: 2009-02-24 08:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xantissa.livejournal.com
glad to see you! I am working on it, it's just that two weeks ago I had something really bad happen at work. A certain person that worked for me basically stole from me, causing me horrendous phone bills (like twice my monthly income) so writting was the last thing on my mind, but since that situation had been somewhat resolwed,I might write again soon. One thing I learned - never to help people again. That's what I get for taking pity on someone.
In good news, I have hashed out a full outline for Weapon of Choice. Including the ending. Many a spell, some hot, hot Sam/Dean sex in the future and well, Sam with THE eyes again... Not much of John unfortunately. On the bad side - it's going to take 10 chapters at the very least. Hmm maybe I should write something now... I am tired, but once I saw your name in my inbox I kind of felt like writing something.... It so, so good to hear from you. A huge mood enhancer for me, especially in this hard time :)


Date: 2009-02-24 09:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] utbe.livejournal.com
It is very flattering to be referred to in a complementary manner by someone who's writing I greatly admire. Your story captured me from the beginning and I plan to remain always faithful until the end.

On a personal note I'm sorry to hear about your RL misfortunes. It can be so hard to keep faith in people when others take advantage of your good nature. I believe in karma, so I'm sure one day they will turn to shit, and good people like you can use that crap to grow flowers :)

Lastly, and I quote, "hot, hot Sam/Dean sex in the future" . Thank you, you just made my week :)

Date: 2009-03-07 05:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nsnfan.livejournal.com

I am so excited to hear that you are continuing with this! This was one of the first stories I ever read in the fandom and is one of my most favorite! I kept checking your journal regularly for any update! I am very eager to see what you write here. I visited your journal weekly and only missed in the last month!

I hope you are doing well.

Thanks so much for writing this and sharing.

Date: 2009-03-13 06:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] allzugern.livejournal.com
oh wow, it's good to know that this is still on the table! I've kept it bookmarked and check it every now and again. I would love to see how you conclude it, but yeah, sometimes the muse just will not cooperate. Hope you find your way to the end, if not, I still enjoyed reading it immensely.

Date: 2009-03-23 03:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elusive-life-77.livejournal.com
Ha! found you!

Please to friend? yes? yes?

I love this story. I am so glad you are still working on it!!!

Date: 2009-03-23 10:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xantissa.livejournal.com
heh it's slow going but it will be finished (even if it kills me LOL) You are adedd so feel free to look around.

Date: 2009-04-29 10:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spnfan82.livejournal.com
i cant wait to find out how sam and dean move on from their very special situation. i cant even imagine the extent of sam's grief but im getting a taste of it with your teaser. thanks for writing


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