first of all, I need to say that i LOVE this kind of detailed feedback/comment. I don't feel flamed, don't worry. I have a beta. She is an American citizen, a new author that even starts to get published in magazines lately! I think that she missed things mostly because I have a tendency to throw a lot of things at her at the same time. She actually got everything from prologue to chapter 4 in one mail and I kept pestering her to do the beta faster.
I'll think about finding a second beta, but i will never leave Sarah because what she cad do with my writting is mind boggling.
About the journal entries. I wasn't sure about them but well. I am not a man nor a father so it was kinda hard to write. And well, I do write fiction... if I will write more entries (which I probbaly wont, at least in this story) I will take it into account, try to make John more believable.
now to the nicer things: I liked you liked it. The idea for the story came to me suddenly and first chapters were written two days later. I was in a hurry, always chasing my own idea before it escapes.
abut young Sam. I am glad I managed to convey his anger. In all the stories I read Dean is protective of Sam, and he is. but it's rarely explored that Sam might be as protective of his older brother. he has obsessive personality - you can't deny it. Add to it his being in love with his brother, father that he simply can't understand and won't accept. You get a heavy mix. I wanted to make Sam so much in love, almost obsessed with Dean because it was almost the only source of ANY affection throughout his childhood. Dean was everything to him, and somewhere while hitting puberty, with all those hormones raging around, when Sam started to understand what incest is, the anger came. I think he was as angry at John as he was at himself, but it was easier to blame John than himself, especially as a coping mechanism for what Sam saw as being inadequate, not what his father would want. There were huge amounts of anger, hurt and other feelings of this kind, but never real hate. His time away let Sam grow out of it. he still has issuses with John, but not like before.
I am planning on giving Dean some special abilities that will take him a few chapters to realise he had. I'm interested if anyone will notice the clues? And there of course will be a John/possessed Sam scene, because John hasn't seen Sam yet in his new form.
I'm glad you like dthe spell part. I needed something that would push Dean, because I also don't think that it would be easy to jump in bed with a sibling. But of course I am planning on having Dean be with Sam after it all ends. I working under the assumption that once they became lovers (no matter the reason) they would never go back to simply being brothers again. Too many memories, too many things happened. Would it be a stretch if Dean decided to continue the relationship? after a lot of angsting, though.
sorry for possible mistakes here. It's not my internet connection that's keeping me from writting per se, but the fact that I am fresh out of hospital and feel ten kinds of miserable. It's really hard to write a sex scene when you only wish to curl up and die for a few hours :)
thanks for the comments and I would like it if you let me know later if you liked the next instalments or not? bye
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Date: 2006-07-07 09:26 am (UTC)I'll think about finding a second beta, but i will never leave Sarah because what she cad do with my writting is mind boggling.
About the journal entries. I wasn't sure about them but well. I am not a man nor a father so it was kinda hard to write. And well, I do write fiction... if I will write more entries (which I probbaly wont, at least in this story) I will take it into account, try to make John more believable.
now to the nicer things:
I liked you liked it. The idea for the story came to me suddenly and first chapters were written two days later. I was in a hurry, always chasing my own idea before it escapes.
abut young Sam. I am glad I managed to convey his anger. In all the stories I read Dean is protective of Sam, and he is. but it's rarely explored that Sam might be as protective of his older brother. he has obsessive personality - you can't deny it. Add to it his being in love with his brother, father that he simply can't understand and won't accept. You get a heavy mix. I wanted to make Sam so much in love, almost obsessed with Dean because it was almost the only source of ANY affection throughout his childhood. Dean was everything to him, and somewhere while hitting puberty, with all those hormones raging around, when Sam started to understand what incest is, the anger came. I think he was as angry at John as he was at himself, but it was easier to blame John than himself, especially as a coping mechanism for what Sam saw as being inadequate, not what his father would want. There were huge amounts of anger, hurt and other feelings of this kind, but never real hate. His time away let Sam grow out of it. he still has issuses with John, but not like before.
I am planning on giving Dean some special abilities that will take him a few chapters to realise he had. I'm interested if anyone will notice the clues?
And there of course will be a John/possessed Sam scene, because John hasn't seen Sam yet in his new form.
I'm glad you like dthe spell part. I needed something that would push Dean, because I also don't think that it would be easy to jump in bed with a sibling. But of course I am planning on having Dean be with Sam after it all ends. I working under the assumption that once they became lovers (no matter the reason) they would never go back to simply being brothers again. Too many memories, too many things happened. Would it be a stretch if Dean decided to continue the relationship? after a lot of angsting, though.
sorry for possible mistakes here. It's not my internet connection that's keeping me from writting per se, but the fact that I am fresh out of hospital and feel ten kinds of miserable. It's really hard to write a sex scene when you only wish to curl up and die for a few hours :)
thanks for the comments and I would like it if you let me know later if you liked the next instalments or not? bye